Die Snape! Die!
by alyssialui
Summary: We're at it again, first Harry now Snapeypoo 0cringes0 What will happen? read to find out! Featuring Aiden and Lianne
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This the 2nd set of instruction for the kooki duo Lianne and Aiden. Read to find out who on.**

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_It's another blank stage. The audience waits in silence. Suddenly a spotlight shines at the centre and we see two girls, brown and brown with false blonde. They speak out to the people._

Aiden: Goodnight and welcome to the show. So we're back again  
**Lianne: Hi!!!**  
Aiden: Shut up! And we're doing another episode of..  
**Lianne: _Adventures with Lianne and Aiden_**  
Aiden: This time we'll team up with someone evil  
**Lianne: Someone cunning**  
Aiden: Someone adorable  
**Lianne: Adorable??**  
Aiden: Of course, Voldy is adorable. And we're getting back at someone not so adorable  
**Lianne: Snape is adorable1!!**

Aiden: Since when?!?

**Lianne: Since ever. -holding up heart shaped picture of Snape to her chest- I joined the Snape Lovers Fan Club. You wanna come next time?**  
Aiden: Uhh –rolls eyes- I'll raincheck on that. Now we have to get to Voldy's house.  
**Lianne: Right –takes out grappling hook-**  
Aiden: whoosh Up, up and away  
**Lianne: -swinging behind her- LAME!!**

_FADE OUT--- FADE IN. Aiden, Lianne and Voldy are sitting at a table, going over the fine details. Aiden and Lianne are dressed up like lawyers._

Aiden: You sign here… and here… You promise not to kill us in the process  
**Lianne: Or Harry**  
Aiden: You kinda failed at that though. **  
Lianne: But this ensures that you can't try it again**  
Aiden: And this gives us full rights to plan out Snape's death and do anything we want, whenever we want  
Voldy: And I will be able to finish him off in the 7th book  
**Lianne: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! –uncontrolable crying- Wait till the girls at the SLFC hear this.**  
Aiden: Don't mind her. And yes, we'll film the entire thing and you can play at the big DE soiree at the end of the year. Embarrass him before you kill him. Just sign on the dotted line  
Voldy: Excellent –steeples fingers- -signs contract-  
Aiden: Thank you –Putting away contract into her briefcase. The AKA will keep in touch. See you at the big Death Eater Dinner Friday  
Voldy: Yes Ms. Lewis  
Aiden: Come along Lianne  
**Lianne: -still crying- Poor Snapey**  
Aiden: -whispers- You knew what you were getting into when the AKA gave us this mission  
**Lianne: But Snapey!??!?**

Lianne: You've got the list.  
Aiden: Yes…no wait… -searches through front pocket…back pocket… cleavage… hair- Aahh here it is. What's first?**  
Lianne: Ooohhh can I do it?? Please please please please!?!?**  
Aiden: I thought you loved your Snapey-poo  
**Lianne: I do but this will be an excellent story to tell the girls at the SLFC**  
Aiden: Fine, ooo here he comes.

And like Aiden said, Snape was coming around the corner. As hired by Voldy, the twins got rooms in the DE castle headquarters and already began their planning. Their list was ready and they started all their month long projects to use, plus the recup room. That was a week ago. Now they were doing number one.

Snape was unaware, just having gotten his assignment from the Dark Lord. Become the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Eventually hire Alecto and Amycus. Things weren't starting out too badly at all. After the fiasco this summer, this was a blessing.

Going back to his room to contemplate his good fortune, a habit he had picked up over the years, Snape was walking blindly through the memorized corridors. It wasn't until…

_Yeehaw._ He looked up and saw the animal. A brown, disgusting, stink donkey was standing in the middle of the corridor. _Blink blink_. The animal just stared at his gaping figure. Composing himself, he spat out in revulsion, "Stupid vile animal." Making to get to his room and away from the smell, he sidestepped the animal.

It was surprisingly fast. The donkey trotted over to him and reared up on his hind legs, pushing Snape down. It began to stomp and kick Snape all over, his chest, back, head, legs. Snape was being practically donkey-handled. (LOL).

Soon the donkey hit a tender spot, his kidney. Due to a surgery some time ago, Snape only had one kidney and now this donkey was pulping the life out it. Snape felt pain like never before. _**I shouldn't have had those tequila shots last night.**_

He passed out from the pain and the donkey stopped, waiting for the man to get up. It was a long wait until the animal realized he wasn't waking up. The room erupted in sparkles and the body was no longer there. The donkey too changed into a brown-haired teenager.  
**  
**

**Lianne: Did you get it?**

Aiden: -coming out with camera- All of it  
**Lianne: Let go meet him. This way I get to see Snapey shirtless**  
Aiden: -rolls eyes- Fine

They ran through the corridors until they got a room marked _EAST DEMENTOR HOLD_. Only there was no _EAST DEMENTOR HOLD_. There was a _SOUTH DEMENTOR HOLD_ but only few people went there. No one would want to go in this one willingly and it was the perfect hiding spot for the Snape Recup Room (**Lianne: And the Snape Lovers Fan Club but Aiden doesn't need to know that**) They opened the door and saw Snape, shirtless, in the hot tub that the girls provided, surrounded by numerous fangirls.

Aiden: Lianne!! I told you not to use this room for your stupid club!!  
**Lianne: Its not stupid!! And its Snape!! Shirtless!! aAAAHHH!!!**  
Aiden: Everyone get out. You're frightening the poor man  
**Fangirls: AWWWW!!!**  
Aiden: OUT!!!  
**Lianne: Come girls. Back to the old headquarters. I'll tell you everything at tomorrow's meeting**  
**Fangirls: With pictures?  
Lianne: Sure  
Fangirls: -leave-**

_Snape: Where am I?_  
Aiden: Hello Mr. Snape. We are Aiden and Lianne Lewis. You know the AKA, don't you?  
_Snape: I may have heard of it_  
Aiden: Well we are her apprentice and we are here on a kind of mission. We are suppose to kill you  
_Snape: WHAT!?!?_  
Aiden: But it won't actually kill you. You remember the donkey incident don't you?  
_Snape: Of course_  
Aiden: Well you died. And that donkey was my sister  
**Lianne: -drool-**  
Aiden: So you don't really die because now you're in here.  
_Snape: So then what's the point of dying_  
Aiden: It's sort of like a… precaution. Just in case Voldy, or anybody else decides to kill you, they can't kill you in any of the ways we will. We've copyrighted them.  
_Snape: Hmm_  
Aiden: You really have no say in the matter. It's already been finalized between everyone. You're just the guinea pig in the experiment, but a very well pampered guinea pig.  
**Lianne: -drools still-**  
Aiden: Oh I almost forgot. Those girls were the Snape Lovers Fan Club. Don't ask. But they might sneak in here, hoping to get something of yours. Don't let them in willingly, be weary of their disguises and here's a button –hands him a button that looks like the Easy button, just green- Press it and they will be instantly gone. Lianne is in the club too so be weary of her too but I'll watch out for her. Now stay in here and get better. When you are, you can leave.  
**Lianne: I love you! You're hot!**  
Aiden: Come on –drags her by ear- Let's leave the hot man to get better. Goodbye Mr. Snape  
_Snape: Goodbye Ms. Lewis._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank to my good friend, _Voldy's Worst Nightmare _for reviewing. You're character will pop up in the next chapter. **

**If anyone else wants to be a guest fangurl in the story, message me some stats and you'll be in for the chap :D**

**Now on with the show!! **

**Also I know in the one before I said I'd make a Die Ron! Die! But I haven't really had any inspiration for that one yet. Since Snape just died, tons of ideas popped into my head. Lol. Maybe after I'll actually get some ideas for Ronniekins.**

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**__**

So it was the next day. After that weird encounter with those twins and almost disastrous one with the _Snape Lovers Fan Club_, Snape's nerves were on end. At this point in time, he was sitting at the table in the dining room of the castle, constantly looking over his shoulder every 10 seconds.

"Calm down, Snape," Avery jeered to his right. "Baby momma looking for child support!" Some surrounding DE's laughed at the small joke. "Well Avery, at least a don't have to worry about the woman or child looking like a troll."

"Whoa," the crowd went but they were soon quieted as the Dark Lord himself, entered the room followed by those twins. They took their seats at the head of the table.

"Greetings my Death Eaters. I'd like to introduce you to two very important guests, Misses Lianne and Aiden Lewis. They are doing a small…project for me over a time period. No one cause any problems for them or they will answer to me. Understood?" Silence passed like a ghost over everyone's head. Satisfied, Voldemort smirked to himself, "Good, please continue eating then get out of my sight." And then he turned to talk quietly with the twins.

Those twins were queer, their movements, looks, features, like animals but people at the same time. I must look up more about them. Snape turned back to his food.

_CRASH!!!_ The door to the dining room burst open and in its wreckage stood a huge burly masked man.

"What the?" Snape couldn't even finish his sentence before the man was beside him and holding him up by the front of his shirt.

"You wanna a piece of me??" the man shouted in his face.  
"No, no, no," Snape pleaded, waving his hands in front his face.  
"Oh its on," he continued, ignoring Snape's pleas.

A crowd of people ran through the broken debris and they quickly set up a makeshift boxing ring. At the front of one side sat Voldemort, with Lianne and Aiden at his sides. The other DE's lined the opposite sides, booing the boxers in the ring. Surprisingly, there were other faceless people in the crowd but Snape did notice the _SLFC _banner in the crowd.

The masked man threw Snape into the ring and a group of makeup people quickly set Snape up. The lights dimmed and a spotlight rained onto the centre of the square (it's the ring but a ring is square so…) A man clad in black and white vertical (?) stripes shouted into a microphones.

"Ladies and gentleman, Are you ready to rumble??" Screams and shouts erupted from the audience. Snape was bewildered by all this noise. **_What am I suppose to be doing?_** The guy across him was getting ready, cracking his knuckles menacingly. The announcer continued, "Welcome to the biggest fight of the century!! This fight was brought to you by the Death Eaters!! And the _Snape Lovers Fan Club_!!" **"We love you Snape!!"**

"Now to start. In this corner, weighing 352 lbs, the Masked Mumbler!" (what was the name of that wrestler in Timmy Turner?) The announcer shouted, extending his hand towards the masked wrestler. Cheers erupted and some boos from the _SLFC_. "And in this corner, weighing 175 lbs, Severus Snape!!" More boos than cheers.** "We love you Snape!!"** Snape still looked clueless.

"Now on the count of 3. 1… 2… 3… Fight!!"

The announcer quickly got out of the way as the Mumbler charged at Snape and picked him up. "You know what I hate worst than greasy hair?" With each word, his grip increased, "Hooked… noses…" He threw Snape across the ring, almost off the edges but the DE's pushed him back in. "This is what you get for this morning Snape," Avery laughed, spitting in Snape's face.

The Mumbler picked Snape up by him foot and threw him into the centre of the ring and then landed on his back and put him in a half-nelson (I think that's a wrestling move). He whispered into the Snape's ear as his face turned slowly blue, "I need to make you suffer a bit, greasy head. I can't just let this finish so fast… Just…a few…more…seconds…. YYYYYAAAAHHHH!!!"

He dramatically jumped off Snape and ran to a corner of the arena (specifically the one across from Voldy and the twins). He climbed up to the top of the corner post.

Announcer: Oh watch out people, the Masked Mumbler is about to perform his signature move, the Masked Mumble Mush!!!!

Snape coughed and turned around to find the huge man falling down on him, his body seemingly increasing in size as he grew closer. "AAAAHHH!!" _"AAAAHHHH!!!"_ "AAAAAHHHH"

_Squish!_ "oooooohhh" the crowd went as the earth shook beneath their feet. 1 second…10 seconds… 2 minutes… The announcer just stood watching.

Announcer: Oh yeah!! The winner is…. THE MASKED MUMBLER!!!

He ran up the lump of flesh in the centre and held up his right hand. The wideload got up and grinned at the applause he was receiveing. Lianne and Aiden looked at the Snape-shaped crater in the ground. The body was nowhere to be seen but no one seemed to care.

"This is what happens?" Voldy asked the twins  
"Sometimes. This is just one of the many things that will happen"  
**"Snapey!!!!!"** Lianne cried.  
"Is she always like that?"  
"When it comes to Snape, just ignore her. If you look over there, you'll see the video camera set up."  
"Great!"  
"Now if youll excuse us, we have to check up on our charge."  
**"Snapey1!!! I need a Snape Lover Fan Club Pill now!!"**  
"Lianne, if there are actual drugs like that, I'm gonna confiscate them when we get back to the room"  
**"Did I say pill, I meant –shifty eyes- pill_ow_!!"**  
"Lets get to Snape"  
**_  
_**


	3. Pure Torture

**A/N: Im back again..for awhile. Hope there are readers to this thing at least. Also if you dont get the end, although the twins might like Harry (a little), Aiden really hates the Snape/Harry ship**

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**"So Joclyne, did you get that? Snape was actually naked in my room!! Am not lying!! I have pictures!!! You wanna come over?? Here's the address…"**"Lianne? Who are you talking to on the phone?" 

Lianne quickly slammed the phone shut, **"Oh no one! Just ordering pizza. It will be here in 15 minutes."**

"But this a secret headquarters…" 

**"Guess it will be longer than 15 minutes then."**

"Whatever. Come and help me set up the room next door with the cameras and stuff," Aiden said as she grabbed her Bag of Tricks and exited the room. 

**"I'll be right there."** Lianne picked up back the phone and hit redial. **"Sorry about that. You're not supposed to even be here but get over here pronto to see Snapey in the flesh."**

_Crack!!_

A girl with dead straight blonde hair appear suddenly in the middle of the room. She looked around gapingly with her large blue eyes. The pink tips of her hair stung Lianne's face as she spun around in circles. 

**"Calm down, Jo! Aiden doesn't know about you."**

_**"Oh My God!!! Lianne you weren't kidding!! We're actually at the DE headquarters where Snape is!! EEEEEEE!!!"**_

"Lianne, whats that?" 

** "Nothing! Shhhh I have strict orders not to bring anyone. Now you stay here and look at the pictures. I have to go help my sister. DON'T GO ANYWHERE. I'll take you to see Snape later."'**

_** "SSQQQQUUUEEEE!!"**_

**Later that night:**

Snape was walking along the corridors of the castle. _**This place is really creepy at night. I told the Dark Lord we should have gotten that timeshare in Tahiti or the condo in Negril (Jamaica!) but noooo!**_ He opened the door of his quarters and pressed the button on the wall to light the torches around his room.

On his bed in the faded light were two bodies, an entwined mass of love and sweat. It took him a few minutes to realize what he was seeing, disgust seeping into his features. He was about to leave the room, report this to his master and get a kick watching the intruders convulse against their own accord.

He froze in his steps, unseen shackles chained to his wrists and ankles, cutting off the circulation. The moans of the mass got louder, his head involuntarily looking towards them. "Ohhh…James…", resounded around the room. Snape was confused, he heard that voice before.

**_"EEEE!!"_  
"Shhh…he'll hear us."**  
Lianne turned up the torches, the fires lighting the room a bit brighter.

Snape now saw their faces, crimson and ebony hair plastered to faces and bodies, the sheet barely covering their bodies, not that it was heated. The room was getting hotter, the moans louder. Revulsion hit Snape like a wall of fire, he had to get out, this was too much. His name escaped her mouth in waves, the thrusts deeper and quicker.

_**This is not real! This is not real! They're both dead! Dead 16 years ago!**_ Snape tried to shut his eyes, shut them out but it seemed like whatever force was causing this had different ideas.

The shackles pulled him into the room, his heels scraping against the stone floor. He resisted, going closer would only make it more real, more painful. But soon he was the side of the bed, the bodies just below him, seemingly unaware of any presence but themselves in their euphoric state.

**"STOP!!"** He screamed out, his eyes screwed up, hoping they'd have the decency to listen. But they kept going (like bunnies!! – inside joke), ignoring him. **_IT'S… NOT… REAL…_**

**_"Lianne, can I see?"_** Jo whispered, her hair fanning around her head as she turned to Lianne beside her, poking in her in the side of her head. Pissedly (is that even a word? It is now) Lianne turned to her, **"Your hair's getting in the shot, Jo. I'll show you after."** They both turned back to the action, the camera in Lianne's hand, plus the others around the room, trained on the performance.

**_Snape, this is just a bad dream… One of those horrible jokes those Lewis twins are playing. When I get my hands on them…_**

The last moan filled the room, filled with ecstasy and rapture; painfully Snape saw the smile on Lily's lips as she stared up at James, his hair sticking to his sweaty face. In a few seconds, they disappeared in a burst of sparkles, the smell of perspiration lingering in the air.

Snape couldn't move, the shackles already loosening their hold on him. His bed… mutilate… their act… "OH GOD!!!!!"

**"We should finish this up now, he looks really shaken up"** Lianne said. _**"Hold on,"**_ Jocelyn said, her camera clicking as it took Snape's picture. **_"This is going up on Facebook for the club." _"Avada Kedavra!"**

The green flash hit Snape, him body-bedding (you know like face-planting) face front. Few more seconds and burst of sparkles, Snape was gone.

**"Now time to get you out of here." _"Just 10 more minutes,"_** Jo begged.  
"Lianne!! Where's Snape, we have to get the prank done!!" Aiden called out, her voice coming from the tiny pendant around Lianne's neck. **"I'll invite you another time, but you have to go. Bye!"** With a slight frown, Jo waved to Lianne as she disappeared.

Holding the pendant to her mouth, Lianne said, **"I've already done it"**  
"What!!!!?!??! Without me??"  
** "I just thought I'd do it… get it done quicker…"**  
Lianne could hear the frown on her face, "Fine, come back to the room so I can see it."

The twins sat in front to the HD plasma screen Voldy provided for their room, eating popcorn. "I have to compiled the different camera views. Remind me to go back to Snape's room and get the tapes."

On the TV, Snape's body was above the bed, shutting and opening his eyes every few seconds. Then pink things flashed cross the screen. "Huh?" Aiden rewound the tape and freeze-framed. "Lianne, what are those?". Eyes shifting, Lianne answered, **"Nargles?"** "It looks like someone's hair… Did you bring one of your fanclub girls to watch?" **"uhh…"** "Lianne!!"

Lianne sprung from the chair and ran to the lever that was in from for just this reason. "Aiden!!" "I'll get you out in 3 hours…" A hole appeared below Aiden, causing her to fall through the floor.

It was dark in the room. **"Aiden?!?"** The room slowly got brighter and there Lianne saw Snape and Harry, the second mass of sweaty bodies she's seen tonight, but this was much worse.

The invisible shackles appeared on her wrists and ankles too, pulling her into a chair right beside the bed, strapping her head and keeping her eyes open. On the far wall, words began to appear.

_"This is your punishment, some additional footage for the movie and you get to star in it. Wouldn't the SLFC love to see this!!_

_- Aiden"_


	4. Chapter 4

Chap 4:

"**Jo, did you see what torture I went through for you!" **Lianne screamed at her new friend. "_**Frankly, I wouldn't have minded watching that first hand." **_Jo replied, stopping Lianne in her steps, jaw on the floor. _**"But I do love you for doing something like that for me." **_**"Ya, but now you have to go before Aiden catches you again. You can come back next week" **Lianne said, shoving Jo through the green flames, watching her hand wave goodbye before disappearing,

"So she's gone? Good, time for #6." Aiden replied, entering their room. **"We skipped some, isn't this #4?" Lianne asked her partner-in-crime. **"I'm not sure. It's #6 on the list but that's because we skipped the impossible ones." **"Fine, let's just get started."**

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It was raining outside today, a thunderstorm to be exact but Severus had to be out there. There was a certain ingredient, thunderweed, which could only be picked during thunderstorms. He made sure to stock up so he wouldn't have to spend another minute in their horrible weather.

Making his way through the threshold of the headquarters, he closed his umbrella and tucked it into the holder by the door. _**Strange, I'm still wet. **_Snape closed the door behind him but still felt the water. Looking up he saw the problem.

Floating a few feet above his head was a fat thundercloud. It pelted his head and back with rainwater, having to constantly wipe his eyes. Sparks could be seen around the cloud's edges. _**I have to get from under it.**_

Snape tried running from under the cloud, but it kept following him. _**I know! To my private quarters. There must be a way to get rid of this cloud.**_

The cloud thundered and the rain got harder as Snape ran to his room. Soon the lightning would strike. He had to get rid of it quickly.

He got to his room door and reached into his pocket for his room key. He tried the key but it just wouldn't work. He tried each and every other key but they just wouldn't work. He was about to try the first key again when…

_**Crack! **_100,000 volts of electricity was sent through his body. It struck his heart and Snape lay at his room door dead. When he hit the floor, his leg swung out at the door which slowly eased open. I guess he didn't need the key.

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**A/N: Very short and to the point. I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Didn't amount to much. But it is something.**


End file.
